Do not Quit just yet. Open!
Have you ever been there? You know. That place where you just want to quit. Maybe it’s your job? Maybe it’s the relationship you are in? Maybe it’s school, the book club, whatever. We have all probably hit that point where the pressure of a situation becomes unbearable, when it seems there are few solutions or when it seems the only solution is to quit.
What has focusing taught me about these moments and how can focusing help you in these moments?
Well, what I have come to learn is that this is a great moment. The moment of wanting to quit hits everyone and quitting is sometimes the very best choice given the situation. As I have sat with this question in a focusing way in my own life, an interesting answer came to me and I want to share it with you.
I won’t take you through the whole session but I finally arrived at a point where the message became very clear and what I was being shown is that this moment was a great opportunity to open. Maybe it was a bit clearer than that even. What was coming for me was the idea that this was exactly the time I should be more open, that this was a time that I should maybe use the opportunity as a chance to turn toward things from a different perspective to allow my thinking around the situation to open. It was letting me know that I could see this whole situation around quitting as a chance to explore something else.
Really what it was giving me was a chance to be open about a situation rather than be closed, which is the way I was perceiving the quitting, as a way to close a situation, walk away from it or end it and not fully engaging in the possibilities it quittin was presenting. Quitting can be quite final, in this case it was a starting point.
Quitting might be the point at which people turn back after a long journey, or really maybe it’s like a door that is ready to be opened. And sometimes we quit when we have arrived at the doorstep and then quitting rears it’s ugly head.
By now some of you might ask; but what if I want to quit something?
Is that OK? Of course that is ok
Let’s take smoking as an example. That might be a thing where you do want to quit or stop. And you do, you stop, you quit and it’s hard. I should know, way back I used to smoke and when I smoked I liked it but something was really letting me know it was time to quit. So I did, many, many, many times. In my case, I kept getting to the point where I wanted to quit, “quitting smoking” and I would smoke again.
Do you see where I am going with this? I kept arrving at a new quitting moment. That moment was the moment I wanted to quit and give up, I was quitting NON-smoking! And I kept on quitting and giving in to that feeling of wanting to smoke and instead of getting over the hump and BEING OPEN, I would fall back into smoking and a new cycle of wanting to quit smoking.
Looking at that situation now. I was being open enough to the idea of quitting smoking, actually getting to the point of doing it and then giving in to it, or quitting being a non-smoker.
Now I know there is a lot of chemical stuff going on with this kind of addiction and that is a physical thing that Focusing would have probably helped a lot with at the time as well.
I didn’t know focusing then and I finally quit with the help of hypnosis.
I have never smoked since.
So, it’s interesting to be at these points of quitting and they are usually driven by a deep wanting that is WAY beyond wanting to quit the particular thing and that is why I encourage you to learn focusing, because the next time you come up to one of these quitting moments, you might find that it is a great chance to open up, to see what else is there for you, to get in touch with the things that might be lurking just underneath or way beneath the surface that might be a key to understanding what drives all of this. You might just find that thing within you that takes you on a different path, or better yet you might discover something that was helpful and hidden that you never knew.
You might go through the process and find that quitting is the absolute right thing and obviously that is OK too. The important thing is the process and allowing it to play out from within you.
Quitting can be a jumping off point to stay the course or to move on, but if you make that decision in a focusing way, then you are sure to make it from a place in you that is right for you in that moment, leading you to what is next.